It went without a hitch.... actually I'm lying through my teeth there..... Xbox boys stereo got beer poured in it .... which killed it spectacularly and the computer speakers (no great loss there on the speakers front as it stops FOMO boy playing his gangsta rap rubbish too loud) ....and Lauren has promised to replace Xbox boys CD player and although a few things got smashed ...... nothing of value I might add....... Moron of the night award goes to the bright spark who thought it would be a wheeze to put all of our recycling bags out into the middle of the road so a car would hit them....
low and behold one did ...
Top marks to the single brain celled individual who thought that would be a fantastic laugh... thankfully nobody was hurt but that was my cue for me to go ballistic and start an ad-hoc re-education program for neuron deficient moronic teenagers........ it didn't end up in blood(theirs) or violence (mine) but it came very close to it....
After the enormous bang as four rubbish bags exploded on the road after being hit at over 45mph...... I confronted the group of lads and demanded to know which half wit idiot thought it was a really funny to put all of our recycling bags into the middle of the road and how when that car hit them when it came over the brow of the hill, did it not cross their infantile minds that if the person in the car swerved to avoid the bags and ploughed into people instead who were standing on the driveway .. what exactly would they be doing right now ??? ....
Stunned silence......it hadn't even occurred to them .....Like I said Morons the lot of them
After I had finished my tirade at them and walked away to get some more bags to clean the mess up.... if you can imagine four full recycling bags exploded all over the road when hit at over 45mph ??? ..... There is always one smart arse who thinks he's funny..... and as I was just about to start picking up the rubbish.....one of the jokers couldn't resist and made a crack (aimed at me) and laughed..... So I walked back right into the centre of the group and got nose to nose with him and asked the said moron to repeat himself to my face and not behind my back and not under his breath... he didn't ...... probably the wisest decision he made that night......besides leaving of course in his car......all mouth and no trousers as is usually the case these days......he did do a mini protest though he dared to run over a recently refilled rubbish bag. in his Halfords chav mobile.... ohhhh that really upset me... (I don't think sooooo... bloody child)... his ego was pretty dented after I finished with him in front of his mates... so I guess he couldn't resist stamping his foot in the safety of his car. I'm safe in the knowledge that he'll end up upside down on a bend in a field some day.
There was other general wreckage laying strewn around, nothing that couldn't be fixed or replaced.... it's just the utter senseless idiotic behaviour of wanting to smash and break things... all of this happened within half an hour... the rest of the evening was lovely.
It seems there was a faction in the party that were keen on spoiling it for Lauren... but I think my psychotic in your face "I'm going to kill you all horribly and painfully and very probably slowly...." coupled with my continued presence in the shadows like the Eye of Sauron calmed down the atmosphere which was quickly spiralling out of control up until that point...... it wasn't long after that that they mostly left...... I have to admit I was relieved ....I was not a happy bunny .....Which is probably why I would never have made a good policeman, I would have been more suited being in Gene Hunt's police force.....
We won't be hosting any more parties here ..... full stop......well not for 16,17,18,19 or 20 year olds......anyway
But Lauren enjoyed it and other than the blip caused by infantile idiots it went well and that's the important bit :)
2 comments:
Man I would NOT call that "went well."
It was laced in sarcasm my friend... but you're right it didn't go well at all and I have no idea how it would have gone had I not been there to "calm" them down ...
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