I overdid it again it seems we are now the proud owners of THE most ENORMOUS Christmas tree EVER....I took the 2nd youngest (well Freya is a bit young to wield a bow saw) to Salem near Llandeilo to chop down our own Christmas tree, I took my "estrangier" daughters there once and I'm sure we got a more modest one on that occasion, either that or we had higher ceilings...... anyway we arrived at the Christmas tree emporium, which is basically a bit of land set aside which is planted year in year out with Christmas trees and their sole purpose is to die horribly in some centrally heated house at some point, we both walked up to the rather grubby looking father Christmas with a beard that wouldn't have looked out of place hanging off an Aberdeen Angus's backside.....I asked the jolly gentleman if I could have a bow saw and handed it to the eager and budding lumberjack, we then went off into the plantation to pick our tree, it was more difficult than we expected there were lots of trees there but none seemed suitable either too big or too bushy or too straggly, all the good ones had gone :(
anyway after much trudging around on the icy hill top I went down into this little valley leaving the budding lumberjack to his own devices within view I might add !!! Anyway I thought I saw a suitable candidate and I started back up the hill and could hear the familiar Zzzzzz Zzzzzzz Zzzzzz of a bow saw on fresh green wood, as I turned the corner there he was hacking through a sapling birch tree !!!
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" I exclaimed "that's not a Christmas tree"
"yeah but it's nicer than the other ones it doesn't have any needles on it"
"you're missing the point you numpty !!!" I replied as I removed the bow saw from his death like grip unlike the young sapling birch tree which had practically been murdered where it was standing.....we wandered off and hoped the birch survived..although the first bit of wind in the wrong direction and it will be on the floor of that I'm sure...
This seemingly fruitless exercise went on for about another half an hour when all of a sudden we saw our candidate, it was at least 15 foot high but had a good shape at the top half of it so I eyed up it's trunk and started to chop it down about three and a half feet up the trunk, the budding lumberjack shouted "Timbberrrrrrrrrrrrrr" and it flopped to the ground
we.....sorry I..... dragged it back to be bagged add tagged @ £3.50 a foot we bought a big cast iron tree holder of santa claus design....chosen by the budding lumberjack (albeit failed lumberjack on his tree identification skills) and some more lights and left the place £76 lighter, but a good proportion of that will be used again.....minus the tree of course.... the fun started when we tried to get it into the back of the Jeep the last two foot of it had to be bent over to close the back door !!!
I put the budding (failed) lumberjack on the back seat next to the tree and tried to drive home with a Norwegian Spruce pressing against my cheek, turning right was a challenge and required me to look under the tree to see if anything was coming
it was at this point I realised it "probably" wouldn't be a snug fit in our house......we got back and it was eventually dragged inside......Andrea got a little stressed to say the least and remembered why she didn't like real Christmas trees and came out in a sympathetic rash all over her arms....anyway after much careful tree surgery with a very sharp bread knife we managed to get it so it wasn't lifting the ceiling whilst it was in the tree holder.........The smell of pine was making my eye's water but my sinuses were clear and my hands were sticky with sap, but eventually it was up and the stress levels reduced noticeably ..... :)
"it's a bit big Derek ?" as Andrea stood back to admire her handiwork at decoration placement
"hmmmm it didn't look that big in the 4 acre field......fancy a cup of tea ?"
2 comments:
So, didn't call in for a coffee then? we got our tree from there this week but it is a more modest beast don't tell Geoff how much it cost......hopefully we will start growing our own as I fancy nipping off to my forest to cut my own tree, we have a corner we could sheep/pony proof and plant our own trees for the future.
I considered it, but Andrea had texted me to ask me when I was due back.....basically I was in high demand that day.....oh well there's always next year ;¬)
as for pony proofing or sheep proofing, you just need an air rifle and pop a cap up their backsides if they go near the saplings ;¬)
and no you can't borrow mine it will kill them stone dead !!!
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